A Vertical Relationship

Have you ever just felt utterly overwhelmed by all that's going on in our world today?  My goodness, some days I wish I could just tune it all out!


As I have been focusing on my life these past few months, and most recently these past few weeks, I have thought much about where my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ fits.  Ouch ... There are so many opinions from all kinds of different people ... read that, listen to this, do this devotional, pray for 30 minutes ... and on and on ... In fact just today there was a huge uproar about Ellen and her gay lifestyle being the spokesperson for JC Penny.  You're probably wondering how in the world I brought this rabbit trail into the middle of my thought but there's a reason behind it all.


It saddens my heart so much to see the hatred that "Christians" have for people who have a gay lifestyle.  I wonder what sin is in their life?  It amazes me that we can spend so much time judging others according to "our" standards but we don't bother to look at our own lives.  Do you really think the Lord categorizes sin?  I don't ... I think He hates it all.  I have had many gay friends in the past and have worked with many others and let me tell you ... they are some of the kindest people I have met.  Now wouldn't you think the kindest people would be those of us  who claim to be Christ followers.  In fact, in the Bible it tells us that the unbelievers will know we are Christians if we love one another ... shoot, we can't even do that in the church body because we are too busy looking at what others are doing.  It so saddens my heart.


So as I have been thinking through all of this and talking to Jesus about it I began to look at my own relationship with Him.  Am I looking around at all the folks around me and judging them as well because they don't fit into my box called "Christianity"?  Something like, "how could you even think God could love you and save you if you're gay?".  As I thought about my own sin in my life it made me sad to think how mean I can be to others without even realizing it.  Maybe if I would begin to look at my relationship with Jesus as a vertical one, I'd stop seeing what everyone else is doing are start learning to become more like him each day.  And what does He tell us to do ..... LOVE!  Love is weaved all over throughout God's Word. Hmmmm I wonder what He's trying to help us understand.


You know, our family watches Ellen's show every evening on our DVR .. Not only is she incredibly hilarious, but she's one of the most generous people I have seen.  Now think about this with me.  Why in the word would she want anything to do with Christianity when she is treated with such disrespect and hostility?  Why would she even have a desire to hear about this "loving" God who forgives us our sins and saves us?  Why?  It hurt me so much today watching her show and hearing what the million moms are doing because Ellen is a spokesperson for JC Penny.  Love that ... The Lord loves  Ellen ... In fact, He loves all of us sinners ... but the only way Ellen would ever truly understand God's incredible grace and mercy is if she experienced it from us!!! Remember, we are His hands and feet.  We are not here to judge but to love.  It's about respecting people where they're at.


And so with that, I'll close asking you all to pray for me as I focus each day on becoming more and more like Christ.  I pray that each day I will remember that my relationship with Christ is vertical and then from their it become horizontal to such a hurting world.

Pressing Forward

I woke up this morning thinking about the goals of my life.  Imagine that ... I have spent so much time focusing on my past failures ... and so needless to say it felt good to think about the future for a bit.  


There are a couple of verses I would like to share with  you from: Philippians 3:12-14 from the New International Version says:


"¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³ Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."


I was on the treadmill last night trying to put one step in front of the other and thinking how far back I have come since I put all my weight back on and suddenly, as I was listening to my worship music it was as if the Holy Spirit brought the above verses to my mind.  I started thinking about what I was doing at that moment ... I was pressing forward!  You know, I'm so good at talking about what I need to get done but it fascinates me to see how much I really do get done vs how much I just talk about it.  Last night I was doing something about it and it gave me a new kind of strength from within to keep fighting through the pain.  Have you really ever sat down and done a study on Paul's life?  There was absolutely nothing glamorous about his life.  In fact, it was quite the opposite.  He suffered incredible persecution like we could never even imagine.  It's so easy to read about the things he went through for the cause of Christ but to then try and comprehend the pain and suffering he went through to spread the good news of Jesus is just incredible to me.  He says in verse 14 that he presses on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called him ... to be in heaven with Christ Jesus.  But the verse that really hit me was 13.  He says Brothers and Sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it ... his goal ...but one thing I do; Forgetting what is BEHIND and STRAINING toward what is ahead!!!  I can't even tell you how many times I have read those verses.  Seriously ... and what do I do?  I so easily focus on my past failures rather than truly understanding the GRACE I have been given and focus on today and the future ... setting goals with the idea that I want everyone to know and experience the GRACE of Christ Jesus like I have received.  It's my hearts' passion.


So what do I do?  Exactly what verse 13 tells me to do.  I will press on ... I will press forward and I will forget about all the junk from my past and I will stop feeling sorry for myself.  It's time to starting living on the high road ... I will do this by living each day to the fullest not only working on my spiritual journey with Christ but also working hard on my health.  It doesn't matter that I started in 2006 and lost so much weight!  That was then ... this is now.  I'm starting over and the past is the past.  There's nothing I can do about it.


In closing, I would like to share a devotional that I read today written by Sarah Young. It's in her devotional book titled Jesus Calling - Enjoying peace in His presence ... Published in Nashville, TN in 2004 by Thomas Nelson.  This is on page 29 dated January 28


"I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS. These were the last words I spoke before ascending into heaven.  I continue to proclaim this promise to all who will listen.  People respond to My continual Presence in various ways.  Most Christians accept this teaching as truth but ignore it in their daily living.  Some ill-taught or wounded believers fear (and may even resent) My awareness of all they do, say, and think.  A few people center their lives around this glorious promise and find themselves blessed beyond all expectations.  When My presence is the focal point of your consciousness, all the pieces of your life fall into place.  As you gaze at Me through the eyes of your heart, you can see the world around you from My perspective.  The fact that I am with you makes every moment of your life meaningful"


Isn't that powerful!  This is a wonderful devotional written in first person from Jesus to us.  And as I read those words today it just renewed my faith and hope knowing that He does have my back and He does care about everything I do and say.  He loves me so much.  And the most beautiful thing is He loves ALL of us that much!  No matter what we are struggling with we must press forward knowing that He will guide us and protect us every step of the way.  God bless you my friends.  You are loved!

Food for Thought

Wow, I'm truly amazed that it's been a year since I last wrote on this blog ... and what a year it's been!  I have to tell you that I was actually shocked to reread my blog entry from January 10, 2011 because it talks about exactly how I feel today.  Totally defeated!  I wonder why that is?  What is it that causes me to continually beat myself up for not achieving the goals that I have set for myself.  Why do I hold so much in my head rather than typing it out on paper so that I can go back and reread previous entries like I did today?  I can learn so much about myself if I would just do that.  I have talked about writing this blog for three years now and I seem to do OK for a few days but then I just stop ... like so many other lofty goals of mine.  And then I feel like I have failed something else.  Well ... I'm tired of feeling this way and I'm tired of being so hard on myself. I'm the only me that I will ever have and I'm sick and tired of the way I treat myself!  Where's the pride and dignity in who Christ created me to be?  Starting today I will no longer relish in my miseries of the past but rather, I will thank the Lord for His mercies and GRACE which are NEW EVERY morning!  He loves us so much and it hurts Him when I'm so cruel to myself.  I really think it does.

And so it is that once again I will climb back aboard life's journey that's so full of adventure.  Each morning I will wake up reminding myself of God endless love for me and my love for Him.  My prayer is that His love will flow through me to others no matter what it is I'm doing.  Even at the pool swimming, there's always folks to talk with and encourage.  It's time for me to take the focus off of me and focus on Jesus because He has called me to just be me and allow Him to love others through me so that they can see and experience His love for them.  My true hearts desire is to be His hands and feet ... to love and care for others and to share the good news of Jesus' forgiveness and unconditional love. Yes, He has me right where He wants me and I'm going to rejoice in the Lord each day for the opportunities He has given me today! Because I'm gong to Live Today Well!  I'm sure they'll be some bumps and bruises along this journey but you know ... that's OK.  I'm not going to worry about tomorrow.  I'm focusing on today.  And as my priorities get straightened out ... I believe my health will follow because He does love me and He does care about me.  And the same goes for you my friend.  It's time for the discouragement to flee because discouragement is not something from the Lord but rather it's the devil doing everything he can to get us to give up and quit.  Hmmmm how long has he had me trapped in the same spot?  I'm sick of it.  It's time to speak life of ourselves dear friends.  John 10:10 tells us that the enemy has come to steal, kill and destroy but Jesus has come that we might have LIFE and that more abundant!  I'm choosing life ..... How about you?

A New Beginning!

Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my blog. I have never been one to be a great writer but it's something that I would really like to start doing more of. For one, I think it will help me understand my life so much better in regards to where I have been and where I'm heading with my life. The first 47 years seem like a lot of chaos and confusion but oh how I have learned so many valuable lessons.

I have titled this blog Living Today Well because one of the greatest lessons that I have learned is that I must focus on today and stop thinking so much about tomorrow. Too often I look at my past goals and wonder why I haven't succeeded. I realized that so much of my energy and effort has been geared toward the end result rather then focusing on today and living today well ... or living the best that I can today. Although it is good to plan and to set goals, the Bible tells us that we don't know what tomorrow holds or even if tomorrow will come. How many blessings have I missed in my life because I was so focussed on what lied ahead in my life rather then enjoying today to it's fullest!

And so it is with this new HOPE that I set out on my sixth year of this crazy journey. I had done so well my first year and then maintained quite well up until this past year. My knees became so soar that I could no longer swim. This caused me a great deal of depression and anxiety and I ended up going right back to my old habits of eating because it made me feel so good. But you know, the crazy thing is that I would feel good while I was eating but then I would feel horrible after because my body was hurting with all the extra fat I have been carrying around. Well, this past September, I had a double knee replacement surgery and I was in rehab for a couple of months. Here also I gained a lot of my weight back because I couldn't get up to exercise and frankly, I was bored out of my mind sitting in that nursing home. Oh, I had lots of good times ministering to others there but I also had plenty of time to be bored ... But, today was a new day my friends and today was my first day back in the pool! It felt so wonderful to be back to swimming which is what I love to do, even though my knees felt so funny in the water. I had a wonderful swim.

My hope is that I can journal my daily experiences here and I hope that you, the reader, will feel free to post on this blog. I hope that you will be encouraged to live your life well too and that you will find a renewed sense of joy in your heart.

I will be weighing in weekly and measuring monthly. Here are my current results.

1-10-11 362 lbs

Stomach is 61" around

Chest is 58" around

Life's Curve Balls

Isn’t it amazing how difficult life can be some days? I was thinking about this thought after coming out of my counselor’s office this afternoon but there was one thought that I couldn’t get off my mind. It’s so easy to look at my life, and at times feel sorry for myself because of the way things are going, or are not going as I would like them to do. I can end up feeling very depressed with no energy to even focus on getting myself better. But one thing that the Lord showed me today was that even though life does throw us curve balls every now and then, there’s always someone else who is suffering so much more then I am. When was the last time I thanked the Lord for what’s He’s done in my life, or the incredible wife he has blessed me with, or the two amazing kids we have? It seems to me that I spend more time complaining about my life then being thankful for all the many blessings that I have! We are selfish by nature but life doesn’t have to be this way. I have decided that the only way I will recognize true success in my life is to thank the Lord continually for His blessings even when life does throw me a curve ball and to know that I have a choice as to what kind of attitude I will have. The theme of this blog is Living Well Today and it all starts with an attitude of gratitude! I am determined to change my attitude because I have so much to be thankful for.

Have a blessed day and remember to Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS!

The Parable of the Sower

One of the most interesting things in studying the life of Jesus is how He taught in parables so that the people could understand His message in their life language, or their every day living experiences. I have been thinking a lot lately about my relationship with Christ and how I can get to know Him better and have a more intimate relationship with Him where I can really learn how to hear His voice. This particular parable in Luke 8 really jumped out at me. Large crowds would follow Jesus from town to town and after they had traveled for a while, Jesus would stop and teach the crowds through these parables. Luke 8:4-15 in the New Living Translation says:

^"4 One day Jesus told a story in the form of a parable to a large crowd that had gathered from many towns to hear him: ⁵ “A farmer went out to plant his seed. As he scattered it across his field, some seed fell on a footpath, where it was stepped on, and the birds ate it. ⁶ Other seed fell among rocks. It began to grow, but the plant soon wilted and died for lack of moisture. ⁷ Other seed fell among thorns that grew up with it and choked out the tender plants. ⁸ Still other seed fell on fertile soil. This seed grew and produced a crop that was a hundred times as much as had been planted!” When he had said this, he called out, “Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.”⁹ His disciples asked him what this parable meant. ¹⁰ He replied, “You are permitted to understand the secrets of the Kingdom of God. But I use parables to teach the others so that the Scriptures might be fulfilled: ‘When they look, they won’t really see.When they hear, they won’t understand.’¹¹ “This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is God’s word. ¹² The seeds that fell on the footpath represent those who hear the message, only to have the devil come and take it away from their hearts and prevent them from believing and being saved. ¹³ The seeds on the rocky soil represent those who hear the message and receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they believe for a while, then they fall away when they face temptation. ¹⁴ The seeds that fell among the thorns represent those who hear the message, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the cares and riches and pleasures of this life. And so they never grow into maturity. ¹⁵ And the seeds that fell on the good soil represent honest, good-hearted people who hear God’s word, cling to it, and patiently produce a huge harvest."

As I was reading this I wondered where I fit in regards to where the seed falls in my life. As I have said before, I have seen the Lord do so many amazing things not only in my life but in people's lives around me so why is it that when life gets hard I panic? When will I "get it?" I feel that many times there are too many weeds and thorns in my life that crowd out the time I choose to spend with Jesus. I used to make the excuse that life was just too busy but then, as I began to really be honest with myself, I realized that I was choosing what and where to be busy. I have not properly set up my boundary in regards to my time with Him. I do in other areas of my life such as my swimming time, or my time with Patty and the kids, or my work, or other church activities, or watching hours and hours of TV. There is definitely plenty of time to spend with the Lord if I made that a priority in my life. I guess the reason why this hit me so much this evening is because we have been going through some very difficult financial times as have so many of our friends. We are self employed and our work has dropped dramatically these past several months.There are so many unknowns right now ... but I have had situations like this in the past where I have seen the Lord step in in so many ways. So why is it that as I face this mountain I panic? Why is it that I struggle so much with my weight loss and instead turn to food when I'm under such stress and anxiety? These are good questions that I must work through and ask the Lord to help me understand. I don't want to be one of those people who get to Heaven and then hear that God doesn't know me ... In Matthew 7:21 - 23 Jesus is talking to the "church" ... He says " ²¹ “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. ²² On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ ²³ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’" It's not too late for any of us to get our relationship and priorities right with Jesus. He loves us so much and desires to be our true friend ... He created us so that we could have a relationship with Him. I guess it's just really been hitting me lately. I have done well at talking the talk, but have not done well at walking the walk. When my life has gotten complicated and my stress and anxiety have increased, instead of laying it down and allowing Jesus to take it for me, I turn inward and just stare at the wall. I'm so tired of living my life this way. I want to experience what it's like to have such a fulfilling life and friendship with Christ so that when He does call me home, I can stand before Him on that judgement day of the believers knowing that I have dedicated my life to Him once again and did the best I could to model Him in the way I lived the second half of my life. When I face life's trials that can some times be so hard and scary, I want to learn what it's like to give it ALL over to Him and experience the kind of peace that only Jesus can give. I want to become that good soil like Luke 8:15 says: "And the seeds that fell on the good soil represent honest, good-hearted people who hear God’s word, cling to it, and patiently produce a huge harvest." If I will ask Him to help me grow in this area, I know He will help me and I will begin to experience that harvest. That's pretty exciting! It's time for me to get off the fence and run hard after my friend Jesus. I feel so incredibly blessed knowing that we serve such an amazingly loving and gracious Savior who created each of us to love Him too! I am truly a blessed man!

Overcoming Binge Eating & Obesity!

Why is it that there are days when I feel so hopeless about my weight loss journey? It's been almost 4 and a half years since I began this journey to become a healthier person from the inside out but what I have found to be so interesting is that my inside really wasn't changing. Although I did very well the first year, I never got to my desired goal and just fluctuated until this past Fall and then just threw all caution to the wind and went back to all of my old eating habits. I kept saying that I would start at the beginning of the week, or the month ... but here it is, May 31st and I'm up 50 lbs from this past October and up 90 lbs from my lowest two years ago. I have been doing so much thinking and praying and listening to my counselor to truly understand what's going on in my head and my heart. Just like everyone else I have met on my weight loss journey, I thought I could do this ... but why was I doing it in the first place? All my life I have cried out for attention wanted to be liked but those around me. I have had many hurts in my life that my counselor has been helping me deal with but I want to dig even deeper to understand my feelings and emotions that cause me to binge eat so much. I thought that if I lost all the weight, I would get a lot of attention and would make some new friends. As I got closer to my goal I kind of panicked because I wondered where my "value" would be once I had completed my weight loss journey and would then be on maintenance. I'm not sure how much effect this had on me turning back to my old horrible habits but it's certainly been something I have thought much about. I say I love the Lord, and I know He loves me but do I really believe that? It's so easy to speak good "Christianise" and it all sounds good but the bottom line is where's my heart in all of that? When have I cried out to God and just been brutally honest about my struggles? Why am I so arrogant and prideful that I can't even do that? I know He's the answer for me but knowing it and putting it into action are two very different things. I have heard people say, "just give it to the Lord and He'll take it from you" or "God understands" ... but you know, I think He's letting me work through these very difficult emotions in order for me to understand what's really going on on the inside! It's such a vicious cycle for me and honestly it breaks my heart to know that I worked so hard and now I'm almost back to where I started. And I'm very much not alone with this problem. Most people who lose weight don't keep it off for long. Why is this? Well, I believe God has been showing me some things about my life that may help anyone else struggling in this area or in any other life controlling disorder. You see, I have come to realize that I am very much an extremist in pretty much anything that I do. My life has been lived so far out of balance. There were some childhood experiences that helped me to become this way but then I continued to fuel those poor behaviors through my adulthood. I can remember going to visit my folks and seeing my mom cook a small casserole for dinner. I would literally panic thinking that I wouldn't get enough to eat. There were times when I would visit them that I would have to sneak out at night to a restaurant just to feel like I was getting enough food. I felt as though I was being punished for doing something wrong and my punishment was having a meal withheld or having food withheld. It was a very panicky feeling and still is for me at times. And so this helped to create an extremist personality in me. It became an all or nothing game with me ... and if I failed or fell, I would beat myself up terribly and feel horrible about myself ... like I was no good.

So where am I going with all this rambling? It is just past midnight and we are beginning a new month. This is a great opportunity for me to pull myself up off the floor and begin a completely new approach to my healing and my overcoming obesity for good. Here are my goals

• I will begin each day by spending some quality time with my friend Jesus because He is the one who can help me see the areas that need changing and healing in my life. Without Him I'm nothing but through Him I can be an over comer!
• I will cut out all refined and processed sugar from my diet! I love cookies, cake, pies and any other kind of yummy sweet stuff like donuts ... :) These sugary foods are absolutely no good for me. Instead, I will eat more fruits with natural sugar
• I will swim at least three times a week. Although I would love to exercise every day, I'm taking a more modest approach and a more practical one. Many people may disagree with me on this point of exercise but I'm in this for the long haul and am working on developing good and consistent habits.
• I will drink at least 100 oz of water a day
• I will talk to my wife Trish and to be open with her about my struggles or anxiety so that she can pray with me and help me overcome these difficult times of temptation.
• I will continue to be involved in a local support group
• I will focus on eating properly portioned meals throughout the day that are healthy and well balanced.
• With the Lord's help, my wife's help, and the help of my friends, I will overcome this horrible eating disorder so that I too can experience true freedom and live a longer and much healthier lifestyle.

These are just some of the balanced approaches I want to make in order to see my life get turned around again and get back to living a healthier life. I don't want to die young because of my lack of discipline or my unwillingness to deal with the real pain of getting better. I know God will help me if I'm willing to help myself.

In the Bible, we see over and over how the Pharisees tried to trap Jesus so that they could kill Him. In the book of Matthew chapter 22 verses 34-40 it says - Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducee's, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested Him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself!' All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments."

I have actually preached a message on these verses but do I believe them? Seriously ... When I'm self critical and hate myself for who I have become or what I look like, am I not insulting God Himself? After all, He created me didn't He? No, He didn't cause me to become a binge eater or to become obese, but does He love me any less? I'm His child and He died for me! He died for you too! When we choose to be hard on ourselves then we're telling God He's not good enough. He screwed up when He created me. This makes me so sad ... Why does Jesus tell us, after He says to love the Lord your God, why does he tell us to love our neighbors as ourselves? The bottom line is, how can I truly love others if I loath myself or my behaviors? How can I receive my true healing if I don't understand what Jesus is saying in these very important verses? Friends, He loved us so much that He was willing to die on a cross for us so that we could have everlasting life with Him ... I'm realizing more and more that this is a heart issue and that if I will allow Jesus to do heart surgery on me, He will help me to love myself the way He loves me which in turn will pour out to those around me. My addictive behaviors will be gone because I will no longer need to fill that empty void in my life.

And so it is today, June 1st 2010 that I will once again start over. I'm so thankful that Jesus is my friend and that He continually pours out His grace on me! He is so patient and I pray that as I get to know Him more and more each day that my relationship with Him will grow stronger and stronger and as it does, my lifestyle and bad habits will begin to melt away. If I do my part, I know He'll do His. And so today, I start again anew! It's all about truly learning all about Living Today Well.