Life's Curve Balls

Isn’t it amazing how difficult life can be some days? I was thinking about this thought after coming out of my counselor’s office this afternoon but there was one thought that I couldn’t get off my mind. It’s so easy to look at my life, and at times feel sorry for myself because of the way things are going, or are not going as I would like them to do. I can end up feeling very depressed with no energy to even focus on getting myself better. But one thing that the Lord showed me today was that even though life does throw us curve balls every now and then, there’s always someone else who is suffering so much more then I am. When was the last time I thanked the Lord for what’s He’s done in my life, or the incredible wife he has blessed me with, or the two amazing kids we have? It seems to me that I spend more time complaining about my life then being thankful for all the many blessings that I have! We are selfish by nature but life doesn’t have to be this way. I have decided that the only way I will recognize true success in my life is to thank the Lord continually for His blessings even when life does throw me a curve ball and to know that I have a choice as to what kind of attitude I will have. The theme of this blog is Living Well Today and it all starts with an attitude of gratitude! I am determined to change my attitude because I have so much to be thankful for.

Have a blessed day and remember to Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS!

The Parable of the Sower

One of the most interesting things in studying the life of Jesus is how He taught in parables so that the people could understand His message in their life language, or their every day living experiences. I have been thinking a lot lately about my relationship with Christ and how I can get to know Him better and have a more intimate relationship with Him where I can really learn how to hear His voice. This particular parable in Luke 8 really jumped out at me. Large crowds would follow Jesus from town to town and after they had traveled for a while, Jesus would stop and teach the crowds through these parables. Luke 8:4-15 in the New Living Translation says:

^"4 One day Jesus told a story in the form of a parable to a large crowd that had gathered from many towns to hear him: ⁵ “A farmer went out to plant his seed. As he scattered it across his field, some seed fell on a footpath, where it was stepped on, and the birds ate it. ⁶ Other seed fell among rocks. It began to grow, but the plant soon wilted and died for lack of moisture. ⁷ Other seed fell among thorns that grew up with it and choked out the tender plants. ⁸ Still other seed fell on fertile soil. This seed grew and produced a crop that was a hundred times as much as had been planted!” When he had said this, he called out, “Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.”⁹ His disciples asked him what this parable meant. ¹⁰ He replied, “You are permitted to understand the secrets of the Kingdom of God. But I use parables to teach the others so that the Scriptures might be fulfilled: ‘When they look, they won’t really see.When they hear, they won’t understand.’¹¹ “This is the meaning of the parable: The seed is God’s word. ¹² The seeds that fell on the footpath represent those who hear the message, only to have the devil come and take it away from their hearts and prevent them from believing and being saved. ¹³ The seeds on the rocky soil represent those who hear the message and receive it with joy. But since they don’t have deep roots, they believe for a while, then they fall away when they face temptation. ¹⁴ The seeds that fell among the thorns represent those who hear the message, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the cares and riches and pleasures of this life. And so they never grow into maturity. ¹⁵ And the seeds that fell on the good soil represent honest, good-hearted people who hear God’s word, cling to it, and patiently produce a huge harvest."

As I was reading this I wondered where I fit in regards to where the seed falls in my life. As I have said before, I have seen the Lord do so many amazing things not only in my life but in people's lives around me so why is it that when life gets hard I panic? When will I "get it?" I feel that many times there are too many weeds and thorns in my life that crowd out the time I choose to spend with Jesus. I used to make the excuse that life was just too busy but then, as I began to really be honest with myself, I realized that I was choosing what and where to be busy. I have not properly set up my boundary in regards to my time with Him. I do in other areas of my life such as my swimming time, or my time with Patty and the kids, or my work, or other church activities, or watching hours and hours of TV. There is definitely plenty of time to spend with the Lord if I made that a priority in my life. I guess the reason why this hit me so much this evening is because we have been going through some very difficult financial times as have so many of our friends. We are self employed and our work has dropped dramatically these past several months.There are so many unknowns right now ... but I have had situations like this in the past where I have seen the Lord step in in so many ways. So why is it that as I face this mountain I panic? Why is it that I struggle so much with my weight loss and instead turn to food when I'm under such stress and anxiety? These are good questions that I must work through and ask the Lord to help me understand. I don't want to be one of those people who get to Heaven and then hear that God doesn't know me ... In Matthew 7:21 - 23 Jesus is talking to the "church" ... He says " ²¹ “Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. ²² On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ ²³ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’" It's not too late for any of us to get our relationship and priorities right with Jesus. He loves us so much and desires to be our true friend ... He created us so that we could have a relationship with Him. I guess it's just really been hitting me lately. I have done well at talking the talk, but have not done well at walking the walk. When my life has gotten complicated and my stress and anxiety have increased, instead of laying it down and allowing Jesus to take it for me, I turn inward and just stare at the wall. I'm so tired of living my life this way. I want to experience what it's like to have such a fulfilling life and friendship with Christ so that when He does call me home, I can stand before Him on that judgement day of the believers knowing that I have dedicated my life to Him once again and did the best I could to model Him in the way I lived the second half of my life. When I face life's trials that can some times be so hard and scary, I want to learn what it's like to give it ALL over to Him and experience the kind of peace that only Jesus can give. I want to become that good soil like Luke 8:15 says: "And the seeds that fell on the good soil represent honest, good-hearted people who hear God’s word, cling to it, and patiently produce a huge harvest." If I will ask Him to help me grow in this area, I know He will help me and I will begin to experience that harvest. That's pretty exciting! It's time for me to get off the fence and run hard after my friend Jesus. I feel so incredibly blessed knowing that we serve such an amazingly loving and gracious Savior who created each of us to love Him too! I am truly a blessed man!

Overcoming Binge Eating & Obesity!

Why is it that there are days when I feel so hopeless about my weight loss journey? It's been almost 4 and a half years since I began this journey to become a healthier person from the inside out but what I have found to be so interesting is that my inside really wasn't changing. Although I did very well the first year, I never got to my desired goal and just fluctuated until this past Fall and then just threw all caution to the wind and went back to all of my old eating habits. I kept saying that I would start at the beginning of the week, or the month ... but here it is, May 31st and I'm up 50 lbs from this past October and up 90 lbs from my lowest two years ago. I have been doing so much thinking and praying and listening to my counselor to truly understand what's going on in my head and my heart. Just like everyone else I have met on my weight loss journey, I thought I could do this ... but why was I doing it in the first place? All my life I have cried out for attention wanted to be liked but those around me. I have had many hurts in my life that my counselor has been helping me deal with but I want to dig even deeper to understand my feelings and emotions that cause me to binge eat so much. I thought that if I lost all the weight, I would get a lot of attention and would make some new friends. As I got closer to my goal I kind of panicked because I wondered where my "value" would be once I had completed my weight loss journey and would then be on maintenance. I'm not sure how much effect this had on me turning back to my old horrible habits but it's certainly been something I have thought much about. I say I love the Lord, and I know He loves me but do I really believe that? It's so easy to speak good "Christianise" and it all sounds good but the bottom line is where's my heart in all of that? When have I cried out to God and just been brutally honest about my struggles? Why am I so arrogant and prideful that I can't even do that? I know He's the answer for me but knowing it and putting it into action are two very different things. I have heard people say, "just give it to the Lord and He'll take it from you" or "God understands" ... but you know, I think He's letting me work through these very difficult emotions in order for me to understand what's really going on on the inside! It's such a vicious cycle for me and honestly it breaks my heart to know that I worked so hard and now I'm almost back to where I started. And I'm very much not alone with this problem. Most people who lose weight don't keep it off for long. Why is this? Well, I believe God has been showing me some things about my life that may help anyone else struggling in this area or in any other life controlling disorder. You see, I have come to realize that I am very much an extremist in pretty much anything that I do. My life has been lived so far out of balance. There were some childhood experiences that helped me to become this way but then I continued to fuel those poor behaviors through my adulthood. I can remember going to visit my folks and seeing my mom cook a small casserole for dinner. I would literally panic thinking that I wouldn't get enough to eat. There were times when I would visit them that I would have to sneak out at night to a restaurant just to feel like I was getting enough food. I felt as though I was being punished for doing something wrong and my punishment was having a meal withheld or having food withheld. It was a very panicky feeling and still is for me at times. And so this helped to create an extremist personality in me. It became an all or nothing game with me ... and if I failed or fell, I would beat myself up terribly and feel horrible about myself ... like I was no good.

So where am I going with all this rambling? It is just past midnight and we are beginning a new month. This is a great opportunity for me to pull myself up off the floor and begin a completely new approach to my healing and my overcoming obesity for good. Here are my goals

• I will begin each day by spending some quality time with my friend Jesus because He is the one who can help me see the areas that need changing and healing in my life. Without Him I'm nothing but through Him I can be an over comer!
• I will cut out all refined and processed sugar from my diet! I love cookies, cake, pies and any other kind of yummy sweet stuff like donuts ... :) These sugary foods are absolutely no good for me. Instead, I will eat more fruits with natural sugar
• I will swim at least three times a week. Although I would love to exercise every day, I'm taking a more modest approach and a more practical one. Many people may disagree with me on this point of exercise but I'm in this for the long haul and am working on developing good and consistent habits.
• I will drink at least 100 oz of water a day
• I will talk to my wife Trish and to be open with her about my struggles or anxiety so that she can pray with me and help me overcome these difficult times of temptation.
• I will continue to be involved in a local support group
• I will focus on eating properly portioned meals throughout the day that are healthy and well balanced.
• With the Lord's help, my wife's help, and the help of my friends, I will overcome this horrible eating disorder so that I too can experience true freedom and live a longer and much healthier lifestyle.

These are just some of the balanced approaches I want to make in order to see my life get turned around again and get back to living a healthier life. I don't want to die young because of my lack of discipline or my unwillingness to deal with the real pain of getting better. I know God will help me if I'm willing to help myself.

In the Bible, we see over and over how the Pharisees tried to trap Jesus so that they could kill Him. In the book of Matthew chapter 22 verses 34-40 it says - Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducee's, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested Him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: "Love the Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself!' All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments."

I have actually preached a message on these verses but do I believe them? Seriously ... When I'm self critical and hate myself for who I have become or what I look like, am I not insulting God Himself? After all, He created me didn't He? No, He didn't cause me to become a binge eater or to become obese, but does He love me any less? I'm His child and He died for me! He died for you too! When we choose to be hard on ourselves then we're telling God He's not good enough. He screwed up when He created me. This makes me so sad ... Why does Jesus tell us, after He says to love the Lord your God, why does he tell us to love our neighbors as ourselves? The bottom line is, how can I truly love others if I loath myself or my behaviors? How can I receive my true healing if I don't understand what Jesus is saying in these very important verses? Friends, He loved us so much that He was willing to die on a cross for us so that we could have everlasting life with Him ... I'm realizing more and more that this is a heart issue and that if I will allow Jesus to do heart surgery on me, He will help me to love myself the way He loves me which in turn will pour out to those around me. My addictive behaviors will be gone because I will no longer need to fill that empty void in my life.

And so it is today, June 1st 2010 that I will once again start over. I'm so thankful that Jesus is my friend and that He continually pours out His grace on me! He is so patient and I pray that as I get to know Him more and more each day that my relationship with Him will grow stronger and stronger and as it does, my lifestyle and bad habits will begin to melt away. If I do my part, I know He'll do His. And so today, I start again anew! It's all about truly learning all about Living Today Well.

A Girl and Her Dog!

What is it about a dog that can bring such incredible love and joy to a home? My wife Patty and I have been so blessed watching our daughter Becca - 19 yrs old - who just got her first dog that we adopted - a beautiful 16 month old Golden Retrieveer. Becca named her Sadie Grace and it was truly amazing to see how fast Sadie Grace bonded with Becca! She's such a sweet dog and has such a cute and sweet disposition about her. But she's still got some puppy left in her and she loves to play.

I was thinking, this evening, about how awesome God is! Think about it, you couldn't take a cub lion and raise it up to be a pet ... it has an instinct to hunt and in time it would most likely kill you. The same goes for most other wild animals. But was is it about a dog! There are some wild dogs, but dogs have been domesticated for thousands of years. God knew what kind of a companion and friend a dog could be! I"m truly amazed. You see, we have 2 cats that are also super sweet but if they don't feel like coming over to be peted, then they just won't come over ... But a dog, on the other hand, will come right over and show it's affection and unconditional love. That's how Sadie Grace has been with Becca. When I went downstairs this morning to see if Sadie needed to go outside, she was curled up in bed with Becca. It was so precious! Yes, Becca finally got her dog and I'm so thankful that we were finally able to get her one. (Dad really wanted her pretty bad too!) She is a joy and a blessing to our home and I know she will bring us much more joy and love for years to come! Welcome to our home Miss Sadie Grace!

Why Am I Here?

Pastor Joel Hunter was a special guest speaker at KFA today, our church here in Kenosha, WI. I wasn't quite sure what I was going to think about his message on church planting but I have to tell you, he really spoke to my heart about why I'm here. You see, I am the church, you are the church, all of us who love the Lord Jesus Christ and have accepted Him into our hearts as Lord and Savior are the church. How long have I sat with this impression or idea of what church was? Have I ever thoucht outside of the box? I can't say that I have when it comes to church but Pastor Joel really opened my eyes to the responsibility that I have to share God's love with those around me. I mean, I know that's what I'm supposed to do but for some reason I never really associated that with "the church!" Jesus has called us to be a light that shines in a dark world ... how can I be a light in a dark world if I always want to be "in church?" Don't get me wrong here ... I love to corporately worship with my other brothers and sisters and to praise the Lord and to receive a good message and that's so important ... but what about the rest of the week? What am I doing as the church to spread Christ's love to such a hurting world? Why am I here? I am here to be His hands and feet! I am here to bring hope to the hurting ... I am here to help set the captives free by directing them to the One who can set them free ... Jesus ... I am here to love the unloveable ... I am here because He created me to be here and I am honored to serve Him!

Saved By Amazing Grace!

I have been thinking so much about the Lord's amazing GRACE! This past weekend, Patty spent many hours reading to me from Gayle Haggard's book "Why I Stayed". Gayle is the wife of Ted Haggard who many of you may know as the former Pastor of a large church in Colorado Springs, CO. As Patty read to me, my heart was glued to what she was reading. The one thing that kept racing through my head is why do Christians have such a hard time showing and expressing GRACE when people mess up? Why is it that the world can be more sympathetic and kind but people in the church can be so cruel? I have experienced some of these same feelings because of some poor judgements on my part in regards to my family. Although the church talks about reconciliation, do they really mean it? Ted had pastored that church for 22 years and had such an amazing heart for helping people. But once people found out that he had messed up, it was as if everyone didn't' want anything to do with him. He was kicked out of his own church and even asked to leave the state. Is this the way Jesus operates? I don't think so. In fact, when I read the Bible I see Jesus hanging out with all kinds of sinners. He won people to Him by His love for them. This really makes me sad because I wonder how many people have given up on church because the "church" is so judgemental. You don't dare be yourself or ever tell anyone how you're really doing because you just might get kicked out. So what happens, people continue to live in their sin with no hope of ever getting better. Why wasn't Pastor Ted restored to his position? Why were so many lies said about him to make the overseers look good? Why were they not allowed to defend themselves or share their side of the story? What were the overseers so afraid of? I believe that a church that truly thrives is a church that embraces the heart of Jesus. I know we are all sinners and not one of us is perfect, but why do church leaders categorize sins as being unforgivable in the church? The Bible I read says that pastors or leaders should be restored gently and that those doing the restoring should be very careful not to judge because they just might fall themselves.

I'm writing about this topic today because I know how dangerous bitterness can be. Satan would love nothing more than to see the "church" destroyed because of a lack of love. Even in some of my own situations with the church I have had to fight so hard not to become bitter. Being bitter, or taking an offense is what John Bevere calls the bait of Satan. He wants me to become bitter and angry so that my heart will become hard and unforgiving. And this is what brings me back to the Haggards. As I listened to several different interviews with them, including their most recent visit to Grate Lakes Church here in Kenosha, I couldn't help be see their forgiveness for those who had hurt them so badly. So many of their friends who abandoned them in their darkest hours, people they had worked along side with for 22 years, and overseers who were supposed to gently restore Ted back into the church. Ted and Gayle could have just given up and I know there were times when Ted wanted to give up,but he refused to allow his heart to get hard and he allowed the love and forgiveness of not only his wife Gayle, but of Jesus to infiltrate his very soul and helped him get back on his feet knowing that he was totally and completely forgiven.

I was so blessed, not only by Gayle's amazing book, but by their testimony! They are true examples of people who are walking out their faith. Some people think that Ted is still arrogant but I don't see it that way at all. I see Ted as a man who truly understands what true forgiveness is all about and what it feels like. I'm so very thankful that I have had a chance to learn more about this precious couple and I pray that my life will also show what God's amazing grace has done for me. This is what we need in the church! A bunch of folks who are eager to pass on that amazing grace to a hurting and dying world. When the people in our communities start to see that grace in action .... watch out because church will never be the same!!!

Remembering to Pray!

As I sat in church today, the presence of the Holy Spirit was definately there. The choir sang a song that just blessed me so much. I had to get to my feet because I just couldn't sit still. The song talks about the power of Jesus' name and how incredible that name is. As I praised Jesus and allowed Him to minister to me, I was reminded of how much He longs to have that intimate, personal relationship with me and with you as well! We were created to worship Him but He gave us a free will to decide if we would love Him or reject Him.

Last night, my wife Patty was reading to me from Gail Haggard's new book out called "Why I Stayed". We read together for over 3 hours and then again this morning for another good hour before church. As we read through the pages of her testimony and the tremendous hurt she has gone through and then the amazing healing power of Jesus, I was once again reminded of His GRACE. But why do I struggle talking to Him? Do I think that prayer is some kind of religious activity? Jesus wants to have a relationship with me. He talks to me through His Word, which I need to be reading more, and He loves it when I talk to Him when I pray. Sometimes we think that we have to pray a certain way, but prayer is just communicating with God ... it's talking to Him just like we would talk to a friend. He longs to be our closest friend and I felt this again not only as Patty read to me but as I sat in church and worshiped Him.

There is nothing easy about this life! Each of us have our own struggles, but Jesus promised us that He would never leave us or forsake us and when we are facing temptation, He will give us a way out. Here's what 1 Corinthians 10:13 says in the New Living Translation ... "The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. he will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure." My prayer this week is that I will remember these verses as I seek to live today well. I pray that when I'm tempted to eat something I shouldn't, that 1 Corinthians 10:13 will flash in my mind and remind me that He has given me a way out. I pray that I will learn how to love Him more each day knowing that He longs to be my friend and He longs to help me every step of my life and journey. But most of all, I pray that I will be His hands and feet and will be open to however He wants to use me. I am truly a blessed man and I am so thankful for the Lord's amazing GRACE!

Some is Better then None!

As I woke up this morning, I couldn't believe how sore my body was feeling ... and still is ... Certainly the extra pounds that I have put on lately have added to my misery but it has been frustrating hurting so much. I didn't swim yesterday because I felt that I just needed to rest my body and honestly, I wasn't going swim today either but my precious wife Patty encouraged me to fight through the pain ... and not to give in to the temptation to take another day off.

My day was busy today and I almost wonderred if I would even make it to our local YMCA where they have just recently opened a beautiful 25 yard pool with 8 swim lanes. But I was able to go for an hour and as I was swimming the thought came to me that some is better then none. Of course I'm referring to exercise and not food this time ... :) I wasn't able to get in as much swimming as I would have liked but I did manage 3/4 of a mile so I was happy with that considering my time constraint. What's my point? We do have to fight through the pain some days, even it it's for a shorter workout. Every pound I lose from this frame of mine will make my body feel better and better. Now it's time to go rest this body of mine and get ready for a new day that the Lord is making for me! I wonder what it will hold?

It's Never Too Late

It's hard to believe that so many months have gone by since I last posted on my blog! I had so many good intentions of writing about my journey to California but not even one post made it.

Although I had an amazing trip, and learned so much about myself, I did not do well with my weight once I got home. There's really no excuse for this other than I was very busy and didn't do well at balancing my life. But the Lord continues to show me so many things about myself and I refuse to give up. Our new pool has opened at the YMCA and I absolute love it. I was back in today and had an amazing swim.

So with God's help, I'm back at it doing what I know how to do. I know that if I continue to do my part, then He will give me the strength to keep on fighting.

It's never too late to start living a healthier lifestyle and my prayer is that I can just take today and live it well! I don't need to worry about tomorrow, or next week or next month because the Lord has that covered. I just need to focus on today and do my best to live it well.